Can you remember the moment? The moment that changed it all? When you began to see yourself as less than or small. I couldn’t, not till today but that’s not the beginning so I guess I should start over. For the last couple weeks have seemed like a series of unfortunate events. Just wave after wave of curious negatives So since this is a real talk I will say I didn’t really do well. I didn’t jump the waves I stood there and just let them hit me. Shifting nothing going nowhere. Everyday feeling stuck almost frozen in time and for the first time in a while I prayed a prayer I have only ever prayed once before.
God why can’t I just be normal, simple, or ordinary. Why does everything have to be so complicated and hard. Can you just leave me alone and let me have a regular life.I am tired so very tired of the fight. How long will I have to live this way? Don’t you see me trying here?
I didn’t really allow him to answered just carried on with life desperately trying to move on. So here we are back to today when I had the right conversation with the right person at the right time. I told a great friend and even better leader that I was over it all, frustrated, and that I just want to be ordinary. Her response kind of left be in awe. She didn’t say that’s bad or you need to get over it and fight. She literally began to break down how the enemy is my mind. That if my mind can trap me I won’t move forward and that everything I’m seeing is an illusion to what should really be. As she spoke I saw the box I was in. It actually reminded me of the box from some movie J Lo was in clear and plastic filling with water and much like the movie it wasn’t real but her mind believed it so she began to die. My friend asked questions and broke down every thought I saw the pieces flying together. The most uncomfortable part was when she said
The problem with you wanting to just be normal is that you are an extraordinary person. Anything you decide to do you just do. Remember when I called you the juggernaut? That’s because you just break through walls. There is nothing you can’t do if you decide to do it.
Our conversation continued and we talked about self esteem and how somehow I was going to have retrain my mind to believe in who I really am. I oddly felt so much better. It was like a weight had been lifted. I could finally see all the pieces coming together. Solutions and strategies! As I sat at lunch with another friend we had a wonderful time talking and laughing. Saying the vacations we long to take. I described how I have dived off cliffs in Hawaii and want to go do it again. I want to cave dive, scuba dive, and travel down the white water rapids. Also jump out of planes and spend hours floating in the ocean. I could feel myself coming back to life and dreaming of all the things I wanted to conquer. All the risk taking adventures I’ve dreamed of before as vivid as Pantone colors.
To be conitued….