If you look at my face you will see scars and maybe you didn’t notice because you were looking in my eyes. They are there though these scars. The one from trying to fix my own eyebrows at 13 because you know someone told me they were to bushy and big. Then the one by my right ear all the way on the far side of my cheek. The one I’m proud of for diving for a hard ground ball in softball. Or the ones on my lip and nose when I was just an early 20 something trying to find my way in the world. Rebellious as ever dedicated to my own will. They represent the girl that was wild and couldn’t be tamed. You can see them all and though some people may ask and I can tell the story they can see it with there own two eyes so they believe.
They are marks representing an experience, the feeling, and the memory of that one time you were effected. Forever changed. Whether for better or worse still there. But what if your scars are inward and not seen on skin. No they reside on the make up of your person buried deep within.
See as many scars as I can show you on my skin is as many I can tell you from within. Some I am proud of because I lasted through the fight. I lived another day when it seemed there was no end in sight. Others not so much because they represent the time I gave up. The time I let words break me down or people’s opinions and assuming ways consume me. The times I disappointed myself and refused to forgive.
There are scars but they are reminders of my story. Triumphs and downfalls wins and losses. They are all here, they make up me. All the times a had to fight for my life, hopes, and dreams. Every hospital stay, heartbreak, dissapointment, and injury they make me, me. I can’t show you on skin it’s just a feeling within. A flashback, a memory, telling me to try again. Try again! If you did it before you can do it again. No matter what happens refuse to be moved and try agian. You lived through it all and you can do it again. When all hope is lost you can try again.
But then I realize those scars didn’t heal on there own. They are the workings of an amazing God whose love healed and sealed them. Not leaving these deep gaping holes and He is the one telling me to try again. Not all hope is lost. He is my ultimate champion cheering me on. In my corner screaming jab, jab now the right hand and duck. Guiding me through it all.
If you looked behind these dark brown eyes you might find a soul that is scared and a spirit that is thriving. A spirit that sings it’s story and boldly proclaims with unashamed reckless abandon. A story unlike any other of a father’s love and a daughters response. My fingerprint in the world whether you believe or not. Whether you can see or not. No matter your words, judgements, and assumptions. I am unequivocally little ole me.
Like I said I can’t show you on skin it’s something within.