So it’s 4 am here on the west coast and it’s been another breathless night. The struggle is real ya’ll. As I sat here struggling to try and catch a breath I began go to write in my journal. As I wrote I discovered that I am somewhere between faith and fear. It’s a really terrible place to be in and although it’s just a moment I’d thought I would share.
Well let me begin with I was doing one of my services for a friend. It wasn’t really going very good and I just wanted to quit. I’m glad it was one of my friends and she said keep going but it was still frustrating. I simply don’t have all the tools I need. I got through it but it was painful. As soon as I was done though a stream of crazy ran through my head.
Why? Why did I do this? Why did I even put this out here? Why did I waste so much money? I should just stop, yeah I’m goin’ stop! I moved on with the day but it’s been bothering me. I have these moments where I am in love with what I’m doing and it’s amazing to step out push forward in the things I know God’s called me to. On the other hand I have moments where I hate these stupid decisions I spent so much money to start this and when I’m not selling my services or items making my money back. I just feel stupid!
I say all this to say it’s never easy and not always fun. I make mistakes and everything is certainly not perfect. I am fighting so hard to remain on the side of faith and not slip into fear. And so I live to struggle another day, you know fight for my right to create. Stay up my loves!